FOR COUPLES

I work with couples interested in creating more intimacy in their marriages.  I firmly believe most couples come into my office because they have a sincere desire to be fully known and truly loved.  The only problem is, in pursuing this, they often engage in what Richard Schwartz refers to as “the three projects”… They try to change themselves to be what their partner wants, they try to change their partner to be what they want, or they give up and/or numb out.  It takes courageous effort to figure out how to belong to a partner without losing yourself or trying to change your partner.  I admire so much the couples who come to my office and engage in the effort of change, and I have seen the tremendous rewards that result.  Relationships naturally pressure us into personal growth and development.  When we embrace the growth and use it as a stepping off point, we can be truer to ourselves.  When we develop a more solid sense of self, we are better able to experience the beauty of being in A relationship with someone else.  There is nothing better than being able to belong to yourself and someone else, but most of us need help figuring out how to do that.

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Couples often have a sincere desire to “get along”.  They just want to stop fighting.  The problem is, they often do not see the patterns that keep fueling the fire.  It’s easy to think that if your partner just changes, you won’t fight anymore.  Unfortunately, your partner is thinking the exact same thing about you!  The truth lies in the fact that often you are more interested in the validation of your partner than in the intimacy of knowing yourself and your partner honestly.  My goal is to help you each see the role you are playing in co-constructing conflict and unhappiness.  Those willing to self-confront instead of blame often find their relationship is capable of far greater fulfillment than they thought possible.